The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
