OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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