Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
