I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
