My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Randomize
