Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye