Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you win again, gameday.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.