the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
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We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
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You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.