Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
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Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
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No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.