we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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