farters have to be the big spoon...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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