My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i love accidental penises.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
