Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
