Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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