K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
