I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
