I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
