I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
