final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
