My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
so much tequila, so little girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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