he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
