The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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