Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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