Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
