walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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