literally had 100 drinks last night.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
