Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Barsexuality is the new black.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
