What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
