She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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