Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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