It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
