I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
