You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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