When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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