I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize