If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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