you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
