I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
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She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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