I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
