So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
