How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
