If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
