The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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