I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
