Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
