i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
