this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
