Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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