shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
