have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
