Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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