Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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