...so i touched it.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
