turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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