the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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