I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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