is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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