More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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