That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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