dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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