Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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