I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
