I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
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