I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You were trust falling into bushes
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
