I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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