I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
