Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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