i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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