I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
How external is "for external use only"?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
