he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
