So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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