take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
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We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
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Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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