why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
