Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Walk of Shame today included voting.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
