fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
