if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
