literally had 100 drinks last night.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
