I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
