Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
