I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
