how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You ate ashes out of my bong
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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