....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You need a sexual gate keeper
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You ruined the universe
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
