When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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