im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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