When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
