I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How naked do you want me to be?
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