When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Rumble strips road head = magical
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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