Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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