im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
