no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
