I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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