She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
